someone who starts many sentences with “Far be it from me to judge…”
a person who offers advice to help you stop living in such a shockingly incorrect way
a person who waxes enthusiastic about themselves long after you’ve feigned death (see also: siblings-in-law)
people who represent themselves in court:
people who are happy to see you when they want something
the magical time of year that makes it seem more fun to do errands, housecleaning, and colonoscopy prep
hyperactive Godzilla impersonator; frequently tap dances
“all’s fair in love and war”
I have no scruples.
“as ye sow, so shall ye reap”
I’m planning my revenge. Start running.
“to make a long story short”
I won’t stop talking until you kill me.
when a lawyer says, “I just have one more question”
We’re going to be here for six more hours.
“with all due respect”
I think you’re a scumbag.