My Dictionary



Word Definitions:

judgmental person:

someone who starts many sentences with “Far be it from me to judge…”


a person who offers advice to help you stop living in such a shockingly incorrect way


a person who waxes enthusiastic about themselves long after you’ve feigned death (see also: siblings-in-law)

people who represent themselves in court:



people who are happy to see you when they want something

tax season:

the magical time of year that makes it seem more fun to do errands, housecleaning, and colonoscopy prep

upstairs neighbor:

hyperactive Godzilla impersonator; frequently tap dances


Phrase Translations:

“all’s fair in love and war”

I have no scruples.

“as ye sow, so shall ye reap”

I’m planning my revenge. Start running.

“to make a long story short”

I won’t stop talking until you kill me.

when a lawyer says, “I just have one more question”

We’re going to be here for six more hours.

“with all due respect”

I think you’re a scumbag.


"I've always found paranoia to be a perfectly defensible position." – Susan Lowenstein, The Prince of Tides by Pat Conroy

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