Keeping the Squee out of Squeamish

Please don’t tell me about your sex life. If I know you, I consider you asexual, sort of like a bacterium with a driver’s license.

But I’m not uptight, mostly. I figure why get tense over fiction? Anyway, if I want to know about it, I’ll watch porn involving bees doing it with birds. If I watched porn. What’s “porn”?

Besides, my mother already regaled me about her sexcapades when I was fifteen and she burst out of the closet to date my fellow high-schoolers’ older sisters.

She was kind enough to include every graphic detail, and her thoughtfulness resonates with me to this day. And with my therapist. And sometimes with Paul as he chats with his divorce lawyer.

It would be selfish of me to bogart these stories, so it’s everyone else’s turn to hear about your sexy parties. Anyone other than me. But thanks for offering.

Queen Victoria_public domain
“We know what you are doing. We just do not need to freakin’ hear about it.” – Queen Victoria may have said

 

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