An Idiotic Conversation, Translated

I’m in charge of our household budget. To me, this statement is as frightening as “Nuclear missiles are headed to Seattle.”

Mostly I do okay, but last December I accidentally paid the mortgage twice. Then I did great for three whole months, and just this morning I accidentally paid an extra half-mortgage payment.

I know what you’re thinking: “How does someone accidentally pay extra on their mortgage?”

Why the hell are you asking me? Haven’t you figured out I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing?

After I confessed my newest interesting financial move, Paul and I figured out the necessary adjustments to our accounts, and we’re fine. But I’m freaking out. I keep thinking, “What is my next mistake, and how big will it be?”

(I do understand that there are far worse financial errors I could make besides accidentally paying extra on our mortgage principal. I’m not stupid, entirely. But still.)

After the latest mini-crisis, Paul and I had this conversation:

Me: So do you still trust me with the finances?

(Translation: Please take this shit off my hands.)

Paul: Sure, I do! You’re doing great!

(Translation: You scare the crap out of me, but I sure as hell don’t want the job.)

Me: Well, okay. But at least you’re checking the budget spreadsheet updates I send to you, right?

(Translation: I’m totally alone in this, aren’t I?)

Paul: You bet! Well, I skim them at least. Mostly. From time to time.

(Translation: You sure are.)

what a budget looks like to me_public domain
What I see when I look at a simple budget spreadsheet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s